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How to Recognize a Flight Attendant

by Mary Jo Manzanares on September 15th, 2006

There have been many times in my personal travels when I’ve been asked if I’m a Flight Attendant:  In a restaurant in Chicago, in an airport bar at Washington National, walking down a concourse at the Detroit airport, and on airplanes countless times.

When this happens, I am never in uniform, have on no identifying information that would tip people off, and am not talking about flying business.  So what makes people think that I’m a Flight Attendant?  I don’t really know, but other flying friends report the same experience.

When I got this piece of humor, I laughed my head off.  I’m sure it’s been circulating on the internet for awhile, and I’m unable to acknowledge the original source, but I’d guess that only Flight Attendants really know how close to the truth this comes.

So here it is –

25 Ways to Tell if You’re a Flight Attendant:

1. You can eat a four course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the “crew line” at the grocery store
4. You can pack for a two week trip to Europe in one roll-aboard
5. All your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don’t think in “months” - you think in “bid packs”
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say, “Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day” when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: “At this time,” “For your safety,” “Feel free,” and “As a reminder”
19. You know what’s on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the “gauge is in the green”
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling
25. You actually understand every item on this list.

And a friend contributed an additional one:

26.  You have two pairs of shoes for every occasion…one pair - tall and sexy to get to and from, one pair, flat and comfy for the actual event.

If you understand all of these items, you’re either a Flight Attendant or hang out with one!

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POSTED IN: Humor